Narcissistic Personality Disorder

14 Signs Your Mom Might Be a Narcissist

  1. The conversation always comes back to her. If you can’t seem to have a conversation without the topic swinging back ’round to her, take note. “You could be talking to your mom about you recent beak up and the conversation drifts to her upcoming vacation,” And it seems to happen often without fail.
  2. She is incredibly charming especially to strangers and acquaintances. The thing about narcissists is they’re incredibly likable, and often do what they can to win people over or gain favor, but it doesn’t last long. If you find people tend to be drawn to your mom and she is well-liked on first impression, but over time her interaction with others becomes a negative experience, she may be a narcissist.
  3. She is the victim, no matter what. Dealing with a narcissist can be an emotionally draining experience, mostly because she is always painting themselves as the victim or making it about them or competing so that it is about them. She often will like being seen as special or complaining she is misunderstood or complex/complicated. She might also find a way to feel hurt, even when the issue at hand is clearly not about her.
  4. She cares a lot about how she is viewed and what people think of her  While it’s fine to want nice things, your mom likely takes it to the extreme often emphasizing high status or prestige or elite. This includes name dropping, bragging, flashing new purchases, talking about the latest restaurants etc she may be a narcissist.
  5. She can dish out comments and criticism, but she cannot take it. Narcissists are pretty good at finding other’s flaws and insecurities or weaknesses, but struggle to see any issues in themselves. They’re also really bad at receiving criticism, and will often become way too upset when it’s suggested they aren’t perfect. Narcissists are hyper-sensitive to it and may react strongly as if she is having a temper tantrum. Your mom may cry, scream, or throw tantrums whenever she’s being criticized — as well as when she merely thinks she’s been criticized.
  6. She has to have attention on her at all times or be the center of attention. Most people enjoy receiving some kind of attention or compliments, but your narcissistic mom may need it. She wants the world or at least your world to revolved around her and her issues. If she is not in the spotlight, she will not handle it well especially if there is competition when the spotlight is off of her, or when you or someone else tries to take the light away and talk about something you are struggling with. It can be incredibly difficult to deal with.
  7.  Lack of empathy for others.  Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else. Traditionally, moms are supposes to be empathetic, loving, warm people. So it truly can suck when yours can’t seem to care about anyone else’s needs or if she shows it, it is just for show on a superficial level. She may be unable to put your needs first and be empathetic to you.
  8. She is mixed up in all kinds of misunderstandings. Narcissists believe the world revolves around them, it can (and eventually will) lead to misunderstandings. Narcissistic women like this struggle with relationships, as they struggle to connect with others. They are fine in friendships as long as the focus is on them, but they will often get in arguments over misunderstandings as they assume anything anyone says or does is about them. Even when it’s totally not.
  9. She is easily hurt when you make decisions don’t involve her.Whenever you make big decisions — like moving to a new job, or deciding to get married — are you afraid to share it with your mom out of fear or anxiety? A narcissistic person operates from self protection and if their ego is bruised or they feel a decision was made they could not control they can become cruel, blaming, defensive, and project immense amounts of guilt and shame into the other. If that sounds familiar, it may be that your mom is a narcissist.
  10. She has to always win. Look back throughout your history together and see if your mom has tried to “win” every situation. Does your mom compete against you? This behavior can range from trying to look younger or more attractive, or even flirting with a child’s romantic partner or spouse, competing with a child in business success-need to be better, make more money etc The list goes on and on.
  11. Ignores your needs. Since narcissists are so focused on themselves, they often find it difficult to give anyone else the time of day. As a child, teen, or young adult you may have been routinely left with nannies or older siblings. And now that you’re an adult, you may struggle to get your mom on the phone, or notice that she doesn’t listen or let you talk whenever you visit. Whatever the case, a pattern of neglect is definitely there.
  12. It does not take much to offend her. A narcissist’s feelings can be hurt incredibly easily, so take note if mom feels offended or insulted or slighted and over the tiniest things. “If you say, ‘My mother-in-law gave me a lovely birthday gift,’ she might reply, ‘Well, I’ve given you lots of beautiful gifts, haven’t I?’. There’s just no winning with her, or making her happy.
  13. You are not the best at making decisions.  Growing up with a narcissistic mom may have had a profound impact on you, and may even have caused you to doubt yourself, your own worth, and difficult making decisions.  This is because of your mom’s inability to show any empathy. When you grow up feeling invalidated, with thoughts and feelings that are ignored, it can leave you all sorts of confused as an adult or struggle with having confidence in making simple decisions.If you think your mom might be narcissistic or if you had one growing up, definitely making an appointment with a therapist. Aside from learning how to better deal with your mom, therapy can help you uncover all the damage she’s likely done over the years.
  14. A narcissistic mother often favorites with their kids. She will often favor the child who she can vicariously live through and makes them “look good.”

 

Author: Carolyn Steber 7/13/17 www.bustle.com